Hysteria Lane

the Lane earns its name...

2010-04-03T21:02:00.006-05:00

...some is fact, some is fiction, names have been changed but no one is innocent...

So, my neighbor Joan comes over a few months ago. She is upset and crying. She says she feels like the neighborhood is judging her because of what's been happening at her house. You see, the police had been to her house at least four times in a matter of three weeks. Twice that I saw myself. One time, Joan's husband John was sitting "Indian style" in the driveway, far from the front door and appeared to be handcuffed. Unfortunately I did not get to see what happened next, I had to take my son to school. On the other occasion, I did not see anyone or hear anything except for the police cars, there were four of them. Now I am not one to find pleasure in other peoples misfortune but I am a gossip girl and love a good story. Would you have turned away?

I didn't think so.

Anyway, Joan proceeds to tell us about her husband, his falling off the wagon, hurting her and the kids, buying illegal drugs in Mexico and going off his prescribed meds. Taking her at her word we offered her our support and help. Knowing that my husband Tim, a federal investigator, would be bound by law to protect her and her family, she requested that her husband be watched by the Bureau. John held a position at his job that held him responsible for the safety of the general public and it was Tim's job to make sure employee's like John did their job. Needless to say, John was put on a "watch list".

something to say...finally

2010-02-06T18:37:00.004-06:00

this is a thank you note. a thank you note to my mother for giving me my sister.

before I had my own children no person had ever given me such joy. i was eight years old when she came into my world. she was the coolest. i learned how to be a mommy. changing diapers, feeding a little person and being smiled at for no earthly reason. I was hooked. after that, everything else out there paled in comparison to having this awesome responibility...i knew it then...i learned at eight years old what i wanted to be when i grew up. a mommy. because my baby sister made it look like so much fun.

my baby sister is now a twentysomething. over the years our relationship has grown. when we lived together we had that love hate relationship that only siblings share. when i moved out...we lost that...sometimes i wish i could grab that time back...i would have been more present in her life...but i was busy making mine and never stopped to ask her about hers...

i have been settled in my life for some time now...i have two little girls of my own and for the last 10 years kate and I have gotten back what was lost. i am not raising her anymore. she is grown and wonderful. we hardly fight. we like each other as people...and I think that even if we weren't sisters, we'd be friends...

...an ice day?

2009-01-28T08:26:00.007-06:00

...We can all identify with this...

You are seven years old. You wake up alll by yourself and get dressed for school. You are super excited because you are wearing your favorite outfit. You walk into your parents room, beaming and proud because you are ready to go!

Mom says, "Oh, hey honey, What are you doing up?"

Confused, you reply, "School, Mom."

Looking at you sweetly with such love, Mom says, "Go put your jammies back on and get in here with me. You have no school today!"

Excitedly, you rush into the foyer and peek out the front door. There is ICE everywhere! Slamming the door closed you rush back into your room, taking off clothes as you go. You put your jammies back on and crawl into bed with Mom. You snuggle up and watch the local news just so you can see your schools name on the closings list.

There it is.

"YESSSSSS!"

Snow days, or ice days, are so far and few between here in North Texas that I can't help but be excited for the kids when they get the day off. We had waffles and hot chocolate for breakfast. Later, we are going to roast marshmallows in the fire place.

I hope your day is filled with this much fun!

Miracle on the Hudson

2009-01-15T16:10:00.012-06:00

Is there such a thing as a controlled water ditching...apparently there is. Today we all witnessed what can only be described as the single greatest water landing of a large commercial aircraft...ever. I am in awe of the crew of the Airbus A320, they not only kept it together but saved 155 Souls, themselves included.

As a former flight attendant I can say that what we saw today was a miracle...I am not an overly religious person but I believe and have faith and I am telling you that the Lord God Himself placed that airplane in the Hudson.

We are trained in what to do and say and how to act in the event of any and every possible emergency. We practice on mock aircraft, yell commands from wings that are suspended over a swimming pool. In our swim suits we ditch into the swimming pool and climb into an already inflated life raft. Every effort is made to prepare us for what may happen. I can't imagine how and what this crew is now feeling.

In training, the videos they make us watch do not include a water ditch with a high survival rate. Most of us watched first hand or have seen the video of the heartwrentching attempt by rescue crews in Washington DC to save passengers of Air Florida Flight 90, they themselves suffering in the frigid water and even dying. There were only five survivors on that snowy day, January 13, 1982.

I have experienced both a bird strike and an engine failure, thankfully not at the same time. They resulted in two emergency landings. No slides were deployed and no injuries occurrred. In both instances time moved so fast that I was not able to process what was happening. My mind was consumed with commands and procedure in the event that I needed to take action.

I loved flying. Still do. I like being a "passenger in the know". During every take off and landing I take note of where I am, where the exits are and who is sitting near by, just in case. I make sure I am buckled when seated, even if the seat belt sign is off. I make sure my family is buckled too.

Final note: Always be nice to your flight attendants...just in case they have to save your ass.

And...my two emergency landings were with my husband at the helm. He cooks, cleans and is quite the airman. What a guy! :-)

go greener

2008-09-10T15:55:00.003-05:00

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he

spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.

~Elwyn Brooks White, Essays of E.B. White, 1977

This past Earth Day that quote was pasted across the front of our local newspaper. I held onto that clipping for months only to spill coffee on it and ruin it. I don't mean to go all earth friendly superior on you but are you doing your part? Can you do more? I know I can.

People have been talking about earth friendliness for decades and with the recent surge due to the Go Green movement and Nobel Prize winning VP Al Gore's 'An Inconvenient Truth', I am feeling a bit irresponsible. Sure, I recycle. We even have a fertile garden in our own back yard. But still more can be done...

10 Easy Ways to go Greener....

Change a Light Bulb
Installing a compact fluorescent bulb (CFL) is the quickest, easiest way to save energy -- and money. Unlike incandescents, CFLs convert most of the energy they use into light rather than heat. Good for You: They consume about 75 percent less electricity and last up to 10 times longer (10,000 hours as opposed to 1,500). Replace one 75-watt incandescent bulb with a 25-watt CFL and save up to $83 over the life of the bulb.
Unplug Things That Glow
Anything that has an LED (light emitting diode) that glows even after you turn it off continues to draw power (that you pay for). Your TV, cell phone charger, and printer are likely culprits. Unplug the offenders from wall sockets and plug them into power strips instead. When you leave a room, flip the strip switch to cut the flow of electricity.
Good for You: Unplug appliances and electronics that glow and you could save $200 a year.
Recycle Your Electronics
Americans tossed out a whopping 5.5 billion pounds of electronics -- TVs, stereos, cell phones, and computers -- in 2005, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. The result? Millions of pounds of chemicals and heavy metals ended up in the ground even though it's easier than ever to recycle electronics. The Consumer Electronics Association created mygreenelectronics.org to help people find a recycling resource in their area. The site also provides a list of electronics, from laptops to baby monitors, that are easier on the environment and your energy bill. Good for You: The average American household has three cell phones stashed in a drawer. Sell unused cell phones to greenphone.com. You'll receive about $35, and the phones will be refurbished and resold. If 1 million people recycled one cathode-ray tube TV this year, we'd keep 4 million pounds of lead out of the ground.

Tips number 4 thru 10... 10 Easy Ways to Go Green

unto every relationship a little fart may fall

2008-09-06T22:04:00.001-05:00

"There is a moment in every relationship where romance gives way to reality.”
Words from our beloved Carrie Bradshaw after she farted in front of Mr. Big.

Its not like the thrill is gone. It’s not complacency.

It’s more than being comfortable with another person.

It’s intimacy.

And its not just about the bodily functions.

Its the freedom to be you. Your true self. Wholly being accepted for who and what you are by someone you love is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you.

You know, other than wholly accepting your own self for who and what you are. :-)

...and the punchline is....

2008-09-02T08:09:00.005-05:00

"McPalin!"

hee-hee-hee-hee

we're gonna win, we're gonna win

What's not funny...

"people's families are off limits and peoples children are especially of limits"--Barack Obama

Politicians have to understand that their families will be scrutinized however this doesn't give the media cart blanche to attack a politician's child. Bristol Palin is 17, pregnant and unmarried. Big deal. She is not the first pregnant teenager and sadly, not the last. The media should leave the girl alone.

What they should be talking about is the irony that the VP candidate believes in strong family values and teaching abstinence and not teaching sex education in schools. That Alaska has the highest teenage rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the country.

Seriously.

The absurdity is borderline humorous.

who knew?

2008-08-27T21:03:00.005-05:00

I have a box of stuff. In that box are random things that I have been holding onto for years...for every reason and no reason...I found this...

salivating
licking
sucking
nibbling
biting
chewing

mash and grind
mash and grind
mash and grind

between molars

swallow
swallow
swallowed

I ate you,
every morsel.

The title.....ice cream cone! Can you imagine? I was a kid when I wrote that...now as an adult, in my dirty mind, it is soooo not about an ice cream cone...must have been chocolate custard ;-)

snicky snacks

2008-08-26T11:34:00.001-05:00

In Celebration of a wonderfully extraordinary woman on her Birthday I am posting a poem I wrote for and about her. We share a love for many things...a good book, the beach, sea shells, booze (:-0) and naps. Her naps took place most afternoons and were lovingly referred to as "going horizontal". My naps are few and far between. I miss my naps.....and my Nana.

Going Horizontal

Vertical! Vertical, I say.
For one day we will all be horizontal.

Finding beauty in simple things,
Dreaming because you can.

Summer is our time,
Sun shine, sun shine.

Laughter, better than medicine.
Better than a Manhattan .

A beacon home,
Your house was mine.

Where else can a sigh
send you reeling,
nostrils flaring,
eyes dripping,
table slapping
Into evening.

Collapsing into cold, soft bed linens.
Hush and roar of oceans wave.

Waking to mouthwatering smells
Of sizzling bacon.

The laughing gulls call.

Two words.
Butter.
Cake.

I will meet you there someday.
We will walk to the point and back
Picking sea shells from the sand.

why did you throw your clock out the window?

2008-08-25T13:19:00.006-05:00

As the first day of first grade comes to an end I cant help but reminisce about the other firsts that have passed and wonder about the firsts that have yet to come.

We all know ‘time flies when you are having fun‘ but that old adage doesn't apply to the time in my day today. It seems as if I have been sitting here in anticipation for weeks. Awaiting the news of the day from my Baby who is growing too fast. When I took her picture this morning her smile was reminiscent of her first smiles, teeth missing, ear to ear and full of happiness. Just as before, I see nothing but hope and joy and promise and possibility.

Being a parent is incomparable to anything else I have ever done. Each day something is said or done that has never been said or done before and all of these little details that make up one persons life are forgotten. Days aren't remembered, only events. Even some events are devoured by time. With children you are forced to live in the moment but even then the moments hurry past you as if they are being chased. And although I can't wait for 3:15 to come so I can see her glorious face, I will wait, because most days become weeks before you realize.

But I am curious, what would happen if I threw my clock out the window? Would 3:15 come sooner?

"TEAM OBIDEN"

2008-08-23T10:54:00.018-05:00

As our politicians are becoming more like movie stars, receiving movie star status and being greeted everyday by the media circus, and less like the future leaders of this nation, I thought it only appropriate that I assign them a combined name ala "Brangelina" or "Bennifer". Drum roll please.....Obama/Biden, is hereto after referred to as “Obiden" just as I am sure you can imagine that McCain and his running mate will be refered to as "Mc" something. "McBloomberg", "McLieberman", "McRomney"...the mcpossiblities are endless....

Instead of detailing my political views and why I am choosing “Obiden“, I will ask you to read, research and make an educated decision when you head for the polls this November.

Some things to think about whilst researching the candidates…

Why do we allow our reporters to use their medium to interject their own biases on us? Is it because they think that we are a nation of fools? That because it is written or on the TV it must be true? Please folks. Wake up and smell your café mocha latte half soy and listen…

YES, it is because they think we are nation of fools! Whether you watch MSNBC or FOXNews I ask that you BACK AWAY FROM THE TV and spend some time learning the facts about the candidates. It is time to vote based solely on the merits of the person running. Time to chose a president that will best represent us based on what YOU think is important…not on what other people are telling you is important. I ask that you whole heartily research the Presidential opponents and vote based on your needs and wants for yourself and this nation.

Information about Barack Obama

THE BLUEPRINT FOR CHANGE

Fight the Smears...Obama's Truth

Information about John McCain

John McCain-Issues

Why McCain

"Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote." --George Jean Nathan (1882-1958)

Most importantly, please VOTE!

REGISTER HERE!

On a personal note:
As a native of Wilmington Delaware I couldn't be more proud. Senator Biden was elected to the senate 2 years before I was born so his name has been part of my consciousness for as long as I can remember. His loyalty to his family, his state and our nation make him a wonderful choice for VP. Senator Biden has served this nation longer than McCain and I assure you Biden won’t forget the number of houses he owns.

rug

2008-08-22T21:55:00.003-05:00

held together. strong in force.
common goal.
padded
warmth
sadness
sorrow
joy
anger
calm
fear
colors of life in a line.

round they go. tiny threads.
soft and hard.
long and short.

round they go, searching.
searching for the end.

circle of eternity
will die soon
too soon.

i wrote this over 13 years ago. the rug was in the living room of a family who's children i took care of...funny, the things you keep.

plant yourself

2008-08-20T13:42:00.014-05:00

In lieu of flowers, I planted myself.

Seriously.

The flower bed out front used to house your average shrub...now it has become a home to me, my neighborhood girl friends and our respective children.

It all began the day we decided to pull said shrubs...they were big and unruly and attracted bugs, my mortal enemy. For weeks the flowerbed out front stayed empty.

Meanwhile, our kids who love to ride bikes and play out front on the large, flat surface of our driveway were having a ball. We moms found ourselves either standing around or sitting on the concrete watching our little "angels" ride all around. (the "angel" above is mine :-)

One day, after days of complaining that we needed seating, I took myself to the 'Supercenter' and purchased what I needed to plant myself. I killed weeds, raked, mulched and arranged the seating just so.

That evening, when the kids begged to go ride bikes, I went with pleasure! And, weather permitted we have all met out front to play and chat in the evenings that followed. The garage freezer is loaded with Popsicles and the fridge with Corona's and lime. Sometimes (read, most times) the 'wine cube' has made it out front as well.

Of all the home improvements I have attempted over the years this one has to be my greatest accomplishment. Even the husbands have gotten in on the action and sit with us. Its a good time...

The moral of my story: Friends are as important as family and community, even if its just the neighborhood, can be a life saver.
So, plant yourself.

WASP

2008-08-20T10:41:00.002-05:00

You rotten little devil.
How dare you come to my window?
Having the great fortune of wings--have you come to tease me?
Taunt me?
Be gone.
BE GONE.
Or I will propel you into oblivion.

let them eat cake

2008-08-20T00:16:00.007-05:00

I treated myself today. For a whopping $6.00 I purchased a large slice of decadent white chocolate ganache cake. It was a piece of cake worth waiting for. All afternoon this piece of cake teased me. Every time I opened the refrigerator there he was, the best looking piece ever created. The time was growing near. I fed the children put and them to bed. I poured myself a glass of red wine, grabbed a fork, the cake and off to my bed I went.

It was the perfect setting for self-indulgence. Feather bed, feather pillows and complete silence. As I took the first forkful, my mouth was watering. With great expectation I bit into the driest piece of cake ever made. Cardboard has more moisture in it than this cake! To say I am disappointed would be an understatement! I have had brownies that tasted better than this shit.

As I choked down another dry bite of cake I thanked the gods for delicious wine, feathers and silence.